![]() ![]() So there may well be the chance to add such a feature, mitigating the risk that people might use their app as an excuse to shut down and helping even more kinksters, especially newbies, navigate pre-, mid-, and post-scene negotiations on a much more fundamental level. NoGrey is now raising money to put together a second iteration of the app. If someone consistently gets negative reviews on responsiveness, the kink equivalent of Clippy (Whippy?) could pop up with communication guidance, or links to local negotiation education materials or courses. Bubbles could pop up, for instance, when one is building a scene with nuances to consider or ask a partner about pros who don’t need that advice could disable them. There are an almost infinite number of ways to do that via an app, even within the structure NoGrey. It would be great to see an app that, instead of expediting or simplifying communication, focused on helping kinksters-or anyone, really-learn how to communicate with greater confidence, fluidity, and regularity before, during, and after intimate encounters. (One might assume bits of knowledge in someone who falsely portrays themselves as a seasoned rope bondage pro, for instance, and so perhaps gloss over key pre-play conversation points you wouldn’t otherwise.) Daveed also worries that offering a review system could disincentivize talking to one’s partners about bad experiences, which she notes is not always the best response to such an experience, but is often useful for both parties for learning how to better communicate with each other and others in the future. Palmi admits it is possible to game the current system as well, getting people to post reviews for interactions that never happened, which would not override someone getting flagged as outright dangerous, but could create false expectations of experience or responsiveness and further muddy communication waters. Unfortunately, the review element of NoGrey has been the most controversial with users to date, with debates breaking out on the app’s social media feeds about the ethics of how to run and present them. If you have a busted knee, Stryker points out, and don’t communicate that to a partner before, say, a rope suspension session, or keep them updated on how that knee is doing throughout the experience, there’s a chance that something could go wrong, leading to serious, lasting harm. And a lot more goes into planning a scene beyond just matching up interests. Also, just because a person was interested in piercing when they made a profile or tableau doesn’t mean they still will be when they meet up with a partner their desires could even change as a play session goes along. “Saying you are interested in piercing, for example, covers a lot of ground,” she says, from what might look like recreational acupuncture to a full, large needle being pushed through one cheek, across the mouth, and out the other. ![]() For one thing, notes Kitty Stryker-a sex writer, activist, and long-time kinkster-the same terms, or rankings of interest or experience in them, could mean drastically different things to people. Need to figure out more clearly your desires, kinks, fetishes and limits are? Here is an example BDSM Interest Checklist you can use to get started.Kink communication is about a lot more than just creating static fingerprints of interests or tableaus of scenes to compare with a partner. Coming back revisiting your interests to see how you are evolving and changing is always a good idea.Īs Aristotle said “Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom” There is nothing wrong with kinks, fetishes and limits changing as W/we change. And as we grow and experience, W/we may find that one of our favorite kinks is off limits to everyone, except those who have proven they are worthy of being trusted with this most precious of desires.What was once considered completely off limits may turn into an absolute must have.One particular kink that is enjoyed today may become a major turn off tomorrow.It will also provide you with a better idea of your current desires, so you can find a potential partner or partners who may have compatible desires to yours and more easily negotiate play scenes.Īs humans, our likes and dislikes will change over time, as will our kinks, fetishes and limits of what we will and will not do. Knowing your kinks and fetishes before you ever step into any kind of BDSM play is essential to make sure you avoid activities or fetishes that you do not have an interest in. BDSM is made up of a group of interests, activities and desires or some call kinks and fetishes. ![]()
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